This section contains jokes, stories, poems or whatever that I find amusing...

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands.

"At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works - hell, even the urinal's gold!"

The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story.

"Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone.
"Yes it is," bartender answers.
"Do you have huge golden doors?"
"Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?"
"Most certainly do."
"What about golden urinals?"
There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!"

PICK UP LINES (That can get you a date, or a big kick in the butt)

-Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.

-Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

-You must be a broom, cos you just swept me off my feet.

-If you stood infront of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.

This was sent in to me through email, and yeah, I found it worthy enough to display. Don't take offence to it though, it's just for humour purposes:

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU'RE A TRUE ASIAN:

1. You wait until 8pm to phone a friend on optus freetime.
2. You unwrap gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping.
3. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.
4. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers. You use the grocery bags to hold garbage.
5. You hate to waste food. Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.(Your mum will give a lecture about starving kids in Africa)
6. You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
7. You don't own any real Tupperware - only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, take out containers, and jam jars.
8. You have a collection of minature shampoo bottles that you take everytime you stay in a hotel.
9. You boil your water and allow it to cool to have a sterile drink
10. You never get sick of rice
11. You fight (literally) over who pays the dinner bill.
12. If you're under age 20, you own a Honda Civic, if you're over 20, you own a BMW. (and/or a Volvo!!!)
13. You're parents don't know how to speak softly, always yelling and washing your face with spit.
14. You always complain about the food, how dirty utensils and plates look at Chinese restaurants and afterwards complain u need to do a number 2.
16. You spend your nights and weekends on the icq chatting.
17. You most likely are doing commerce or information systems at Monash
or Melbourne Unis.
18. You starve yourself before going to all you can eat buffet.
19. You know someone who can get you a good deal on electronics, computers, mobile phones.
20. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin or your parents cut the sides of the tubewith scissors to get all of it out b4 its thrown out.
21. Always watch movies at the cinemas on Tuesdays
22. You have this plastic covering in the hallways of the house to protect the carpets.
23. You find it hard to pronounce simple English words such as "three" into "free" or "tree".
24. You've gambled at the Crown Casino at least once and get upset when you lose 5 bucks.
25. You take this message and forward it to all your Asian friends.

Not to mention:
Asians and mobile phone accessories.
Asians and dyed hair.
Asians and karaoke (filos)
Asians and the entire population of their "Aunty" and "Uncles".
Asians and their infatuation with either weight loss (girls) or weight gain (guys).
Asians and breakdancing or raving
Asians and Morning Glory, Whitehouse, City etc...
Asians and flares
Asians and chunky headphones to look cool